Dick Fuld Knocked the FUCK out

CEO of Lehman Brothers bank (which is now bankrupt for slow people) got his ass rocked the sunday after the bank went under. Supposidly he was working out in the Lehman Brothers gym when a man pumping some iron in the corner walked up and knocked Dick the fuck out.

Thats what you get for looking like this:

I'm guessing he got knocked out before this photo as well?

Craigslist Decoys: Man Robs Bank

More Craigslist goodness. As you all know I have some sort of weird fascination with Craigslist. When I saw this news article I was overwhelmed with joy and other types of emotions like that.

A man in Monroe, Washington robbed a Bank of America September 30th at 11am. You know the armored trucks that carry money in and out? The man came to the bank wearing a dust mask; he pepper sprayed the guard carrying the money and took off into Skykomish River. Bystanders said the man used an, inner tube to escape.

That’s right, an inner tube. How the fuck would you manage to float down some small ass rocky river in a fucking inner tube. It’s not like it even has a motor or anything. If you’re going to rob a bank, I don’t think floating down the magical river at 1.5MPH will get you away from the bank you just robbed. But supposedly it did.

Here is the juice of this story. The man used Craigslist to hire 12 people to pose as decoys. He posted an ad offering a job for road work. He told the men to wear a dust mask and the exact same clothing as him. Smart? You bet it. He offered $28.50 for this job, hell I would have done it. Now that’s some Oceans 13 shit right there!

The men who took on the job were told to meet near the bank at 11am. They all stood there with no contractors or any work to be done, they later learned of what happened.

The moral of this story: For the smart ass idea of using decoys, you would think you would have some james bond shit to follow it up with, like a jet pack escape. Instead an inner tube chase down the river.

Market Meltdown? What is this shit..

Clearly anybody who reads the news or watches it, or even reads a nice old fashined newspaper (unlikely but possible), you will see the bullshit about the big Wall Street fuck over ol' big' market meltdown 08' ol' big buy this bank sell that ol' havin' ol' your stocks are fucked, stuff.

First off, I realize im young. I dont really have to worry about money too much. That doesnt stop me from having an opinion about this jabberwoky.

Secondly, who the fuck cares.


I took the time and liberty to construct a Pie Chart illustrating the percentages of how much I "give a fuck" about the Wallstreet fuck over. Please observe this graph and take notes:





This isnt the Great Ass Mother Fucking Depression or some shit. Suck it up and dont quit your day job (even if it is baking donuts). Does it really affect you all? If you dont work for some big ass bank im pretty sure your fine. Hell, my dads still rakin' in the benjies and having time to sit back and down a couple beers (or 10).

So does this really affect everyone? Is it something EVERYONE should be worried about? Mmmm, Nope! Like I said, the only people who will end up sleeping in tent city are the Lehman Bro's (super mario?) employees and..people who cant keep a stable job and manage their god damn money.

Really folks, dont flip out. Keep working hard, keep your job, dont sleep with the boss'es wife, and your good to go!

So good! Fuck Wallstreet! I dont need to trade fucking stocks! Fuck chance! Get a real job and earn your money, dont gamble with that shit. I hope Wallstreet turns into...uh...um...Shitstreet! Yea. Thats right!