5 Tips to Avoid Getting "Molested" By a Man on Craigslist

So to avoid getting that lonely 32 year old home computer programmer's poor excuse for a male genitle in your back door, you should follow these 5 steps I have listed below to avoid getting either/or;

a) raped
b) raped and/or molested
c) murdered
d) all of the above

Please, use the utmost caution when purchasing from Craigstlist.

1) Is it too good to be true? Then it REALLY is.

Lets say your looking for a brand new car. Well slightly used. Well pretend were kind of poor but not too poor. You find a 2004 Mustang GT with only 5,000 miles. What the fuck. This is so awesome! You open the listing, the person posted in the Atlanta Classifieds , but for some reason is located in Florida..for vacation. So they decided to drive to Florida, and make you come get the car. FUCK that. There is a difference between a "good" deal and one thats "TOO good" to be true. Ask yourself, would I ever sell this for that price? Under ANY circumstances? Fuck no!

2) Broken English? I heard you like motorcycle?

Many times I have read posts for bootleg electronics such as a fake iPod from Korea. In it is the most poor excuse for our language known as English. If the jackass selling you something cant even fucking speak English, what makes you trust him? What if he doesnt understand when you say "I already payed you, wheres my fucking iPod?". Suddenly he speaks French. I remember my dad got an email when he was selling a motorcycle. He was selling it, not buying it. The email said "So I herd you like motorcycle?". Clearly not, my dad was selling the damn thing. That brings me to the next step.

3) The Craiglist email scam, NO BUY

Its really easy to tell if somebody is a real customer or fucking you over. I sold a bike once and got about 5 emails, and each one had the same fucking EXACT way the person would like to purchase my bike. It went something like this:

"I will send the check if you give me your adress, number , etc. My Mover will come and get the bike as I am not in that area"

Except the real email was all in broken English. Your mover? You hire somebody to go and pick up stuff for you? Actually movers, MOVE stuff out of houses. And what a stupid thing. I replied to one of these guys with a fake adress to see what they would do. A week later I got this:

Hello,


Good morning,thanks for your nice patience since all these days.I
was out of the state to take care of my parents in Texas and i got a
lot of problem there due to the bad hurricane.Anyway,i would want you
to kindly confirm both the reciept and clearance of my check
payment.Also tell me the right time for the pickup.

Thanks.

hahahahahahahha
clearly bullshit.

4) No picture? Wait..thats the same picture from amazon.com..

If they dont have a picture of what theyre selling, chances are...they dont even have the god damn item to begin with. The "my camera" is broken excuse is BAD. Its 2008, everyones cell phones has a camera. Also watch out for people who just google a picture of an xbox.

5) Don't buy anything with the codeword "jehova witness"

Its probally a 5 year old little girl.

As you can see its...really not that hard to get scammed. Its blaintly obvious your getting scammed and it would take a real dumbass to think they're getting a xbox 360 for $10 or selling their home fitness bike for $15000 to a man who lives 5 countries away from you.

Be smart people...be smart.